In the mid-Aughts, I had a long run of 2-X PTQ appearances. It was after one of those, on a cold walk through the Allston/Brighton neighborhoods of Boston that my friend and I said the name "mediocre magic". It fits the janky style perfectly.
I don't know if this is still a thing nowadays, but there was a bit of a counter-movement against "netdecking" in the nineties. Mark Rosewater famously told Zak Dolan, the first world champion, not to tell anyone what was in his winning deck so people couldn't copy it. That term doesn't mean anything anymore with ubiquitous Internet activity. I like that there are metas and people scrutinize and optimize specific decks, but I want to create something of my own.
I don't have illusions of grandeur. I remember reading about top Extended decks after Mirrodin's release and the Scepter Chant deck (Isochron Scepter + Orim's Chant) had come out of nowhere and made a big top 8. In a group interview, the creator rightfully got to say their deck was completely new while everyone else explained which version of the well-known deck they'd tweaked. I'm not about to make something both that strong and unique, but maybe I can at least be known a little bit for getting some fun jank to work.
I have been working on versions of Shuffleupagus since 2003 when Psychogenic Probe was first spoiled before the Mirrodin prerelease. I've been squirreling away cards that cause your opponent to shuffle their deck for years and have sporadically run it in different forms ever since. (I was very excited when Modern was announced and the Probe just survived the cut.)
My FLGS, Intergalactic Plastic, ran a Modern RCQ on Sunday, May 31, less than two weeks ago. I had gone 2-1 (kinda 0-2) on Friday with Spiteclasm, but it was a bit unfulfilling. My friends knew I had a mono-black version of Shuffleupagus ready to go, but I had chickened out from playing it.
I blamed it partly on a lack of Volatile Faults. I had zero and kept hitting dead-ends finding them. This is not just sour grapes--those faults are in some ways better than Ghost Quarter because that treasure token provides one more copy of Bitter Ordeal--but it's not like the deck is useless without them.
On Saturday the universe gave me a sign that I could not be so cowardly. While at a yard sale in town, I saw a little bunch of magic cards for sale. I flipped through and saw a Volatile Fault. I overpaid for the cards, but was excited as I resolved to take Shuffleupagus to a real tournament.
I did have some misgivings about running mono-black, but I tried to increase the chance I'd find Psychogenic Probe by including four Serum Powder. This brought up an interesting rules interaction with London Mulligans: technically you are supposed to put cards on the bottom of your library at the end of each mulligan. That means that if you don't like your hand with Serum Powder and you're a few tries into mulliganing, you can put cards you don't want exiled onto the bottom of your library and then exile the Serum Powder and the rest of your hand to get a redo.
Okay, here's the mono-black Shuffleupagus build I came up with:
- 4 Psychogenic Probe
- 4 Serum Powder
- 4 Lantern of Insight
- 4 Bitter Ordeal
- 4 Surgical Extraction
- 4 Extirpate
- 4 Deadly Cover-Up
- 3 The End
- 1 Varragoth, Bloodsky Sire
- 1 Ob Nixilis, Unshackled
- 2 Doom Blade
- 4 Ghost Quarter
- 1 Volatile Fault
- 20 Swamp
Sideboard: - 2 Doom Blade
- 2 Cranial Extraction
- 3 Lost Legacy
- 1 The End
- 1 Maralen of the Mornsong
- 2 Canyon Crawler
- 4 Troll of Khazad-dûm
I really struggled with the sideboard and making choices between Lost Legacy, Infinite Obliteration and similar cards.
I believe 19 people showed up for the tournament, so we had five rounds. In the first round, I was paired up against someone I knew but had never played before. They were running Living End, the only deck I'd really prepared for!
I had been disappointed by presumably-good-matchups with Shuffleupagus before. In the Aughts, when Tooth and Nail was hot in Extended, I thought I had a good plan against it with Cranial Extraction and Bribery. I went to some big tournament, got matched up against Tooth and Nail right off the bat, couldn't pull off a win in that first round, then never faced it again as I floundered my way through the lower brackets. This was my chance for redemption!
Game one started slow. On their turn three, they cycled Curator of Mysteries. On my turn, I played Varragoth, but they evoked Subtlety and I put Varragoth on the top. On turn four they cast Violent Outburst into the Living End, but I responded with Surgical Extraction to get rid of all the Curators. Subltelty hit the field and I played Varragoth on my turn. On my fifth turn, I played a Psychogenic Probe. The game slowed down and I made a critical miscalculation. Apparently the Living End deck only runs three of them, not four. I had enough to Bitter Ordeal for two, which would have been enough, but was hoping to get three. Instead my opponent played Shardless Agent a bit later and won the turn after.
In game two, I swampcycled a Troll on my first turn. I played Probe on turn two, but my opponent was wise to the game and Force of Negation'ed it. That left them without a counter for my Lost Legacy next turn. They played a Curator of Mysteries on turn four, then countered the The End I hit it with next turn with a second Force of Negation. They played another Curator one or two turns later and I didn't have any way to kill them both. I got Varragoth out but died shortly thereafter. 0-1.
In round two I faced a remixed affinity deck that didn't actually use the Affinity mechanic at all. On turn one, they dropped "flipwalker" Tamiyo, which was mostly there to generate clues. They played Urza's Saga on their second turn and an Aether Spellbomb. I got a Psychogenic Probe out, but I was clearly behind. They played a Mox Opal on turn three and created a construct while I got out a second probe. On turn four, they dropped their Urza's Saga to search for a Shadowspear as well as create a second construct. I Extirpated the Urza's Saga at the end of their turn and then passed on mine. I was only one life or one shuffle away from having enough to kill them with shuffles. Instead, I had to hold for a The End for one of their constructs, but they even had Flame of Anor to destroy one of my probes before I searched on their turn. I died to the construct soon after.
In game two, they had a big turn two with Tamiyo, two Mishra's Baubles, and a Mox Opal. I took out their Urza's Saga with my Ghost Quarter at the end of their turn. On turn three I hit Tamiyo with a Doom Blade and then Surgical Extracted her on turn four. Before I could do that, however, my opponent had played a second. I drew a swamp and hit it with The End on my fifth turn. My opponent had a better play: Cori-Steel Cutter. I had Deadly Cover-Up on turn six and had enough to collect the evidence, which I used to get rid of Forces of Negation. Unfortunately more monks emerged from the Cutter and I died to many of them. 0-2.
In round three I was up against a Charbelcher deck! It was kind of neat, to have one Mirrodin artifact facing down another. Their deck played no lands, instead relying on MDF Cards with lands on the back side. I started off with a Lantern of Insight while they suspended a Lotus Bloom. I cast a Psychogenic Probe on my second turn, but they had a Spell Snare for it, which was quite disheartening. I had a second Probe in hand, but correctly guessed they were holding more counters and baited a Counterspell out with Varragoth. I safely played the Probe and a Lantern on turn four. They cast Tameshi, a new card to me!
I was without a hand and they promptly got out Goblin Charbelcher and killed me with it.
In game two they suspended the Lotus Bloom right away again. I cast Lost Legacy on turn three, but they Force of Negation'ed it. I played Maralen of the Mornsong on turn four and they resolved their Lotus Bloom. I played Ghost Quarter on turn five and they surprised me with a Whir of Invention for four, bringing up a Charbelcher. I Bitter Ordeal'ed the remaining three but it was too little, too late. They activated the cannon on their next turn and killed me. 0-3.
In round four I was up against an Eldrazi deck. In the first game all I really got down was a Lantern of Insight on turn one. They used Kozilek's Command to set up for Through the Breach on turn four. Emrakul came to my town and removed my entire board.
In game two I had another first-turn Lantern of Insight. They played Ugin's Labyrinth into a Talisman of Creativity. I got a second turn Probe and they played Chalice of the Void for one. On turn three I wanted to both Ghost Quarter and Bitter Ordeal but was one mana short. Instead I decided to take out the Ugin's Labyrinth and hold on to the Bitter Ordeal. There was a calm of a few turns and then I dropped the Ordeal on turn five. Unfortunately they had Untimely Malfunction (sided in) to kill my Probe. They played Eldrazi Command on their turn for nine. Their next turn had Emrakul; Yggdrasil, Rebirth Engine; and Ulamog all on the same turn. 0-4.
Round five. My last chance for a win... even a game win. I was up against a mill deck. My opponent and I were both in high spirits, clearly there for the fun of playing Magic. They started the first game by Thoughtseizing one of my Probes. They cast Fractured Sanity and hard cast Archive Trap. I cast Deadly Cover-Up to remove a single Hedron Crab as my library withered and then again to take out a single Ruin Crab. I still got decked.
In game two they cast Thoughtseize on me again right away, followed up by Tasha's Hideous Laughter on turn three. On my turn four, I used Ghost Quarter with Bitter Ordeal to remove three Fractured Sanities from their deck. They had one in hand and used it against me right away, then an Archive Trap on the next turn. (I was surprised they hadn't sided those out!) I Extirpated the trap and then they played Ashiok, Dream Render. My library kept disappearing until it was down to one card, a Swamp. I drew it with my opponent at 12 life. It was my sixth land and I cast Ob Nixilis for the first time all day. I passed the turn and they did the same. I entered my upkeep and Ghost Quartered one of their lands, with Extirpate in my hand.
They declined to search (obviously). I cast the Extirpate for good measure and lost the closest game I'd had all day with my opponent at two life. 0-5. 0-10 in games.
Despite the tough record, I had a great time. I was pretty nervous at the beginning since I hadn't been at such a high-level event in well over a decade, but all of my opponents were wicked friendly and I quickly settled into a great mood. (The judge was also really good at promoting a chill atmosphere.)
I honestly don't know what I should have done differently. I would really like to see how the Orzhov, Dimir, and even Rakdos versions of the deck fare in a real tournament. I also would like to have had more Volatile Faults!
It was fun to once again be a part of a higher-stakes event! I think it's important for there to be a layer of jank at these things that sometimes shoots for the moon.
Happy Magicking, no matter what level you're playing at!
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